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Literature Text
Her hand gently stroked his, as they listened to the thousand voices rising in the night. It was a warm night still, illuminated by a thin crescent shaped moon.
'Why can’t you stay?', she asked for the thousandth time. Her voice shook gently.
He tightened his grip on her hand and forced a smile. They feared what was to come, almost as much as ignoring it. The gentle night became a tormenting wait, a tossing of emotions, while hopes began to flutter like a dying fire.
'Sing for me...', he muttered.
She looked at him with tears in her eyes, and found his expression mirrored hers. Quickly he kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand. These hours were too precious to be wasted with tears and sorrow. She turned to the sky, searching for something that would stay the same no matter how much time passed.
Her voice rose, merging with the others, quivering with emotion.
His hand gently stroked hers, as they sat together in the last hours that they had left.
'Why can’t you stay?', she asked for the thousandth time. Her voice shook gently.
He tightened his grip on her hand and forced a smile. They feared what was to come, almost as much as ignoring it. The gentle night became a tormenting wait, a tossing of emotions, while hopes began to flutter like a dying fire.
'Sing for me...', he muttered.
She looked at him with tears in her eyes, and found his expression mirrored hers. Quickly he kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand. These hours were too precious to be wasted with tears and sorrow. She turned to the sky, searching for something that would stay the same no matter how much time passed.
Her voice rose, merging with the others, quivering with emotion.
His hand gently stroked hers, as they sat together in the last hours that they had left.
![[Customs] good things come in threes](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/ce4a5ab0-4c08-4964-bb5b-3a82feebe3c0/decahv7-547b7ba5-545d-4066-8b9b-16cde5160e9c.png/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_0,y_63,scl_0.094358974358974/_customs__good_things_come_in_threes_by_sucioperro_decahv7-92s-2x.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MzA0NiIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2NlNGE1YWIwLTRjMDgtNDk2NC1iYjViLTNhODJmZWViZTNjMFwvZGVjYWh2Ny01NDdiN2JhNS01NDVkLTQwNjYtOGI5Yi0xNmNkZTUxNjBlOWMucG5nIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEyODAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.yG2_f2XgHo_mqky5GsS8wbt-hZQ0nrmT5B6D3tqjTBE)
![[Customs] good things come in threes](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/ce4a5ab0-4c08-4964-bb5b-3a82feebe3c0/decahv7-547b7ba5-545d-4066-8b9b-16cde5160e9c.png/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_0,y_32,scl_0.047179487179487/_customs__good_things_come_in_threes_by_sucioperro_decahv7-92s.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MzA0NiIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2NlNGE1YWIwLTRjMDgtNDk2NC1iYjViLTNhODJmZWViZTNjMFwvZGVjYWh2Ny01NDdiN2JhNS01NDVkLTQwNjYtOGI5Yi0xNmNkZTUxNjBlOWMucG5nIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEyODAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.yG2_f2XgHo_mqky5GsS8wbt-hZQ0nrmT5B6D3tqjTBE)
![[ROTSD ] ep 1 phase 3 / Hund [2]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/26974c90-9a8b-4f92-a124-b3734eccf11a/dc23hzx-68be1d4a-d2cf-419b-9858-ceb70024f329.png/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_33,y_0,scl_0.27710843373494,q_70,strp/_rotsd___ep_1_phase_3___hund__2__by_dragonpunk15_dc23hzx-92s-2x.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NjY0IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvMjY5NzRjOTAtOWE4Yi00ZjkyLWExMjQtYjM3MzRlY2NmMTFhXC9kYzIzaHp4LTY4YmUxZDRhLWQyY2YtNDE5Yi05ODU4LWNlYjcwMDI0ZjMyOS5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTE0MCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.a2luMao29giKQz_qt8VrK1cg8Zn1th_MWoJGviz2A-4)
![[ROTSD ] ep 1 phase 3 / Hund [2]](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/26974c90-9a8b-4f92-a124-b3734eccf11a/dc23hzx-68be1d4a-d2cf-419b-9858-ceb70024f329.png/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_16,y_0,scl_0.13855421686747,q_70,strp/_rotsd___ep_1_phase_3___hund__2__by_dragonpunk15_dc23hzx-92s.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NjY0IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvMjY5NzRjOTAtOWE4Yi00ZjkyLWExMjQtYjM3MzRlY2NmMTFhXC9kYzIzaHp4LTY4YmUxZDRhLWQyY2YtNDE5Yi05ODU4LWNlYjcwMDI0ZjMyOS5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9MTE0MCJ9XV0sImF1ZCI6WyJ1cm46c2VydmljZTppbWFnZS5vcGVyYXRpb25zIl19.a2luMao29giKQz_qt8VrK1cg8Zn1th_MWoJGviz2A-4)
At last! I have repaired my connection to the net, and am back on dA! For further information on this I'll refer to a journal here (as soon as I wrote one.)
It's past midnight atm, but I wanted to upload somethig in order to let everyone know I am finally back! Fully functional and with no further problems on the rise. This is a short I wrote why listening to sad celtic music; mostly this: [link]
So if you want, turn that on while you read. And take time reading, this can't be read quickly.
I hope you like it and can imagine a frame for this piece of story. (:
I know it's not one of my best, but I liked it - so there. I still have to work on my sad stuff to convey the feeling/s better.
- Aka
It's past midnight atm, but I wanted to upload somethig in order to let everyone know I am finally back! Fully functional and with no further problems on the rise. This is a short I wrote why listening to sad celtic music; mostly this: [link]
So if you want, turn that on while you read. And take time reading, this can't be read quickly.
I hope you like it and can imagine a frame for this piece of story. (:
I know it's not one of my best, but I liked it - so there. I still have to work on my sad stuff to convey the feeling/s better.
- Aka
© 2013 - 2024 AkashasDreamworld
Comments1
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Overall Vision Originality Technique Impact(Please ignore the star rating.)
Glad to see you're back. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Smile)"/> I thought this was a rather sad piece, but one that's not hopeless. I'm a sucker for the beauty of sadness, so this piece hit me in my weak spot!You paint a clear picture in the reader's head, and include details that help envision the scene, such as the lady turning towards the sky. The thousand voices adds a mysterious element, something of an age long past perhaps. I imagined the man has to leave for a journey of some kind, and she can't come with him. It even reminded me of an apocalypse for a minute (but then it wouldn't make sense that he had to go). Also, I liked the inversion of the first line near the end. Nice touch!
That said, I think this piece is too short to actually convey strong feelings. You say that you need to work on bringing out the feeling (of sadness) better. I think you could achieve a better effect by making this piece longer. Maybe the man could talk to her about something in an attempt to calm her down. Right now I feel like we're getting a brief glimpse into the life of two tragic lovers – one that's not long enough to truly feel sorry for them.
As another possible reason I would like to note that it feels somewhat cliché. They do typical lover-things. But maybe I've just been spoiled by your other, more unusual submissions.
That's all I have to say about this story. Lovely read, and I hope more stories of this type will follow!
Please remember that all this is just my opinion and it's likely that someone else would write an entirely different critique. Hope I helped. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="15" height="13" alt="
" title="Heart"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/p/p…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title="Peace"/>